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Husbands & Fathers that Fail & Why- Download PDF Article


Yahweh placed the Christian husband and father as the head of the family for a purpose. We can speculate why but nevertheless it is his duty to lead his family in the ways of Yahweh. Why then do some good men disobey the commands of Yahweh in order to please their wives and/or children, relenting their leadership position to the wife or children? This article will address why those husbands and fathers act in such a manner and how we can prevent it from happening. Speculations will occur on some of the reasons why this occurs which are not intended to offend but are only mere speculations.  We will also unveil the serpent and his methods of deception because they play a major role in the failure of the husband and father. We must come to the realization that husband failure has existed since Adam and Eve. There must be some innate flaws that come with being a man and with being a woman, flaws our deceiver is very aware of. We must identify these flaws and present solutions in order that we do not end up as Adam and Even. This article is to give courage to the men and women who will "...ahab (love) Yahweh their Elohim,—with all their heart, and with all their soul, and with all their might," regardless of what it will cost them, which may be their family!

This discourse is about a good husband or father who disobeys a commandment of Yahweh because he seeks to please a family member. It is not about decision making between a husband and a wife, which should, ideally, be a 50/50 relationship. A wife can make all of the family decisions, with the husband's consent, as long as they are not contrary to Yahweh's will. Many good wives are acting as the head of the family, obeying and enforcing Yahweh's commandments because their underperforming husbands have elected out of their Yahweh given responsibilities. This discourse is about the hard decisions that can break up a family. For example, you have a single Christian adult son who has decided to live with and have sexual intercourse  with a woman outside of marriage. Yahweh commands us to separate ourselves from such an individual, even if it is our son, not even to eat with him (1 Cor. 5, read the article, “Holy shall you be, because, I, am Holy” (When to Shun a Brother in Christ) located in Vol. 2 of the Teleios Book). The wife does not agree with this commandment, wanting them to spend the night with you over Christmas Eve. The husband must adhere to the Word of Yahweh, and say no, even though by saying so he may be hated by his wife and son. His wife and son may even decide to leave him if he does not submit to their demands. Another example would be a Christian daughter who lives with a man and they have had a child out of wedlock, refusing to get married. The wife wants to be part of their daughter's and grandchild's life but the husband will not allow it because of Yahweh's commandments written in 1 Corinthians chapter five.

Yahweh is a jealous El, as a husband is for his wife and visa versa. A husband does not want to share his wife neither does a wife want to share her husband. Yahweh demands our total fidelity (allegiance) to him and to him only! He does not want us to share our affections, which are supposed to be only for him, with another, as Adam did for Eve. Yahweh Elohim gave Adam and Eve the commandment that they were not to eat of the forbidden tree but Eve enticed Adam to ignore this command. Who was Adam faithful to? Who did Adam show his allegiance to? He chose to please Eve rather than Yahweh, which resulted in both of their demise. Adam's response also showed Yahweh that Adam revered Eve over Yahweh. In the Word of Yahweh, this sin is portrayed as committing adultery against Yahweh. What would have happened if Adam forbade Eve from taking of the fruit? Maybe if she would have obeyed Adam, then we would all be living in the Garden of Eden. If she would have disobeyed Adam and eaten of the fruit, then she would have died but Adam would have lived.  Life and death come from obeying or disobeying Yahweh, which can be extremely difficult when we are being enticed by the arch-enemy of Yahweh.

The deceiver
The phrase, 'Divide and Conquer' is also known as 'Divide and Rule,' which the serpent did in Genesis chapter three. The serpent used the 'weak link' strategy, which means 'deceive the weak point or person in a system or organization in order that the organization fails.' This is what happened in Genesis chapter three. Eve was the weak link in the three link chain (Yahweh, Adam & Eve), her weakness being deceivability. Adam's weakness was seeking to please Eve. Eve's disobedience resulted in the chain being broken, not between Adam and Eve but rather between Yahweh and 'Adam' (Adam and Eve).

A Look at the Influence of Wives upon their Husband's
Adam, as the husband, failed to lead Eve in the Garden of Eden when the serpent deceived her. 1Timothy 2:14 states, "And, Adam, was not deceived, whereas, the woman, having been wholly deceived, hath come to be, in transgression." 2 Corinthians 11:3 confirms this by stating, "But I fear lest, by any means, as, the serpent, completely deceived Eve, in his craftiness, your minds should be corrupted from the singleness which are due unto the Christ" (2 Cor. 11:3). Eve also admitted that she was deceived. It appears from these verses that wives, in a general sense, can be more easily deceived that their husbands which could be one of the reasons why Yahweh has placed the husband as the head. The Word of Yahweh presents many places where wives enticed their husbands from fully following Yahweh. (We will also see where children also enticed their father from fully following Yahweh.)

There are excellent marriages and families presented in the Word of Yahweh, such as Abram, Sarai and Isaac and Joseph, Mary and Yahoshua but our article will focus on those marriages and families that failed because the husband and father did not fulfill his Yahweh given role.  We all remember Lot's wife being turned into a pillar of salt because she did not follow Yahweh's command. This tells us that she was still deceived by the sins of Sodom, while Lot was not. If Lot had listened to his wife and turned back to Sodom, his whole family would have been destroyed not just his wife. We must ask ourselves, 'Why was righteous Lot living in Sodom, when Yahweh stated, "Now, the men of Sodom, were base and sinful,—against Yahweh, exceedingly"' (Gen. 13:13). We are informed that Lot despised the sins of Sodom, which is why he followed the messengers (2 Pe. 2:7). How this happened we are not told but we are aware that his wife was drawn to Sodom. Lot made the right decision for his daughters and himself by forsaking all and followed the messengers into deliverance. Was Lot living in Sodom to please Yahweh? Absolutely not! Could it be that Lot and his family were living in Sodom to please his wife? We can conclude that his wife must have accepted the sin of male sodomy (deception) or she would not have turned back to Sodom.

King Solomon was enticed by his wives to follow other gods. 1 Kings 11:4-10 declares, "Yea it came to pass, in the old age of Solomon, that, his wives, turned aside his heart after other gods,—his heart therefore was not sound with Yahweh his God, as was the heart of David his father. And Solomon went after Ashtoreth, goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom, the abomination of the Ammonites. Thus Solomon did the thing that was wicked in the eyes of Yahweh,—and went not fully after Yahweh, as did David his father. Then, did Solomon build a high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem,—and for Molech, the abomination of the sons of Ammon; and, thus, did he for all his foreign wives,—who burned incense and offered sacrifices unto their gods. Therefore did Yahweh shew himself angry with Solomon,—because his heart had turned aside from Yahweh God of Israel, who had appeared unto him twice; and had been giving command to him concerning this thing, that he should not go away after other gods,—but he had not taken heed unto that which Yahweh had commanded." It appears that Solomon, to please his wives, surrendered some of his position as the head of the family and gave it to his wives, thereby forsaking Yahweh, who had appeared to him two times. This chain was also severed, not between Solomon and his wives but between Yahweh and Solomon. Solomon's sin deeply penetrated the very nation of Israel with wickedness that was experienced for hundreds of years. Solomon was not deceived concerning the gods of his wives but rather his will may have been broken over time by his wives because the scriptures says, "Yea it came to pass, in the old age of Solomon, that, his wives, turned aside his heart..."

King Ahab, who was wicked, married Jezebel, who was even more wicked; "But indeed, there was none like Ahab, who sold himself to do the thing that was wicked in the eyes of Yahweh,—whom Jezebel his wife goaded on" (1 Kg. 21:25). Goaded is the Hebrew word, 'cuwth' which means "to incite, allure, instigate, entice." If you study the lives of these two individuals you will learn that Jezebel was actually running the kingdom of Israel instead of Ahab. He had to have given over his position as head of the family to Jezebel. Ahab appears to be serving both Yahweh and Baal but Jezebel was only serving Baal.

Jezebel and Ahab had a daughter named Athaliah, who married the son of Jehoshaphat, King of Judah. Jezebel's wicked devices were incorporated into Athaliah. It appears that Athaliah had the same influence on her husband,  Ahaziah, as did Jezebel on Ahab. It is no wonder that after King Jehoshaphat died, Ahaziah, upon becoming king, had his brothers murdered. Athaliah was running the kingdom of Judah, as Jezebel was running the kingdom of Israel.  Ahaziah must have surrendered his kingdom to his wife as did Ahab, his father-in-law. Both men were wicked but their wives were more wicked than their husbands, resulting in their husbands becoming the conduit whereby their extreme wickedness could be unleashed. It appears that the adversary penetrated Yahweh's kingdom, Israel and Judah, through men who married certain women, such as Jezebel and Athaliah. These strong women goaded their weak husbands into extreme wickedness.

A Look at the Influence of Children upon their Fathers
Isaac appears to be weakened by his affection for Esau. Isaac ahabed (loved) Esau because of the food he could provide him. The Word of Yahweh says Yahweh loved Jacob but hated Esau while Isaac loved Esau? Something is wrong when we love someone that Yahweh hates! Yahweh told Rebekah that Esau would serve Jacob but it appears that Isaac disregarded this revelation. Esau married the daughters of Caanan and sold his birthright which was wickedness in the eyes of Yahweh. Isaac allowed his family to be broken by not hearkening to Yahweh's words that said Jacob would rule Esau. Esau's influence upon Isaac resulted in Isaac disobeying Yahweh, forcing Rebekah and Jacob to deceive him in order that Yahweh's will be done. (For more information on this topic, read the article, 'Jacob (The Punching Bag of the Church)' in Vol. 1 of the Teleios book.)

Eli, a judge of Israel, allowed his sons, Hophni and Phinehas, to walk in darkness that would not only damage themselves but also the children of Israel as a nation. Eli chose his sons over Yahweh, which resulted in all of their premature deaths. Yahweh sent a prophet to Eli saying, "..honoured thy sons more than me: fattening yourselves, with the first of every present of Israel, before me," but Eli, even after hearing this report, did not break his ties with his sons and turn back to Yahweh.

King David had many similar problems with his sons but in the end, he chose Yahweh over his sons. David was well pleasing in the eyes of Yahweh. Abraham, ahabed (loved) Yahweh and he ahabed Isaac but when it came to choosing between obeying Yahweh by sacrificing his only son, Isaac, or disobeying Yahweh by refusing this command, he chose to sacrifice Isaac. We also may have to choose between obeying Yahweh by separating ourselves from our children or disobeying Yahweh by remaining with our children, as Eli did. Let it be said of us as it was of David, "...I have found David, the son of Jesse,—[a man] according to my heart, who will do all my will" (Acts 13:22).

Methods that are Used to Submit a Husband and/or Father
Yahweh has not left us clueless concerning the adversary and his methods. One of his methods is, if you follow Yahweh then you will be excommunicated (cut off, divorced) from the Church but this method is also used by a wife and child. The man who was born blind, in John chapter nine, experienced this assault, resulting in him being cut off from his parents and his Hebrew family because he stood upon the Word of Yahweh. This method forces one to chose between his wife and/or child or Yahweh. Eve used this method, as probably the wives of Solomon and many others do. Maybe some women have seen their mothers use this method with their fathers with success. I would suspect that all children use this method. For example, when someone does not get their way, they might say, 'I hate you,' or 'You don't love me,' inferring that I would love you if you let me have my way. Making a decision to follow Yahweh in all of his ways will result in people hating you. We have been warned and promised, "Happy, are ye, whensoever men shall hate you, and whensoever they shall separate you, and reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the sake of the Son of Man: be rejoiced in that day, and leap, for lo! your reward, is great in heaven; for, according to the same things, were their fathers doing unto the prophets" (Lk. 6:22-23). We all desire to live in a land of peace but this is not going to be possible if one stands for the things of Yahweh. Many men, I believe, exchange being hated for Yahweh's sake for living a life of peace. A wife could make her husband's life unbearable by striving against him, wearing him down until he submits to do her will rather than the will of Yahweh, thereby receiving peace and affection. Sexual intimacy may also be withheld from a husband until he relents to her will rather than to Yahweh's.  

Another method of our adversary was used in the book of Acts. This method is a three tier system. If the first procedure does not work, then apply the second and third procedure until the pressure is intolerable and the husband or father forsakes doing the will of Yahweh. The Apostles were speaking and teaching in the name of Yahoshua. The opposition began by saying, "...not to be sounding aloud, nor even to be teaching, upon the name of Yahoshua" (Acts 4:18). This procedure did not stop the Apostles so the next procedure was incorporated; "...they, with beating, charged them not be speaking upon the name of Yahoshua" (Acts 5:40). This procedure also was to none affect so "...crying out with a loud voice, they held their ears, and rushed with one accord upon him; And, thrusting him forth outside the city, proceeded to stone him" (Acts 7:57-58). In like manner, a wife could begin by demanding that her will in contrast to Yahweh's will be done. If this does not occur, then she may follow up with withholding sexual intimacy; threats of divorce, division of assets, child support and being deprived of his child. If the husbands persist in adhering to the will of Yahweh, rather than to her will, then action upon the threat can be taken leaving the husband and father devastated and alone but Yahweh will never leave him nor forsake him although all others may. Many of Yahoshua's followers forsook him for doing the Father's will, rather than the will of the religious rulers. By doing so it cost him all that he had including his life but the Father never forsook him and now he is seated at his right hand.  

Good husbands and fathers fail because they are ignorant of the Word of Yahweh, deceived or because they cannot endure the hardship, as a soldier, when they are attacked by their wives and/or children because they are standing upon the Word of Yahweh. Ignorance is easily corrected, while deception may take a little longer to correct but it can be corrected but battle fatigue, caused by a wife or child's continual pressure upon the husband or father to do their will in contrast to Yahweh's, in many cases, ends up breaking the man; he surrenders; the wife or children win; Yahweh loses. A pseudo peace is gained by him for doing so, a peace one receives when surrendering in war by becoming a prisoner; his wife and children appear to love him now but as in the case with Eli, all will not end well; all have lost including Yahweh because in the end, the deceiver has triumphed, who, we must always remember, seeks to murder, steal and destroy.  

Christian husband's and father's first and foremost duty is to lead their families by following Yahweh, according to his Word. When family members break rank the husbands and fathers are called to instill in their families absolute obedience to Yahweh. These family members must fall back into line and if they do not do so but choose rather to follow the ways of the world, then they must be left behind, according to the Word of Yahweh, which is very difficult to do. This is the test that Solomon and Eli failed, as have many other husbands and fathers. Yahweh has placed men as heads over their families, giving them the resources to fully complete their mission. As a whole, it appears that, according to the Word of Yahweh, that husbands are not as easily deceived as their wives, which is bad news for the adversary but their weakness appears to be desiring to receive love and affection at all cost from their spouse and/or child. The deceiver attacks the husband by deceiving his wife to seek her will even when it is in contrast to Yahweh's will. She places pressure on her husband to follow her, as Eve did with Adam but if he refuses to do so, the deceiver informs her to withhold her love and affection from him until he relents. Husbands and fathers must never relent in their obedience to Yahweh. Yahweh told Yahoshua (Joshua) "Be firm and bold...This scroll of the law must not cease out of thy mouth, but thou must talk to thyself therein, day and night, that thou mayest take heed to do according to all that is written therein,—for, then, shalt thou make thy way prosperous, and, then, shalt thou have good success" (Jos. 1:6,8). Husbands and fathers must take on the mantle of Yahoshua (Joshua) when he said, "But, if it be, a vexation, in your eyes, to serve Yahweh, choose ye for yourselves, today, whom ye will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served, that were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye are dwelling,—but, I and my house, will serve Yahweh" (Jos. 24:25).      

(For footnotes, read PDF verison.)

(When quoting scriptures, from the Rotherham Emphasized Bible New Testament, I will substitute the Hebrew words
Yahoshua (yeh-ho-shoo’- ah) for Jesus, Yahweh and Elohim for God and the LORD and ruah for pneuma (spirit).)

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